sweet disposition

…but can i actually walk the walk.  i was laying in bed last night with my arm hanging over the edge thinking about how i am the only person who can change my life.  ultimately it is my decision on whether or not i am going to live my life dreaming about how i want to be or actually living my life how i want to live it.  i have always had the issue of standing back and day dreaming about the person i wanted to be and then suddenly waking up and realizing i am far from it.  this saddens me.  i mean well.  i alway intend on changing and becoming this beautiful and wonderful person but i always fall short.  i pray that i can overcome this horrible self of mine and actually do what i desire so badly.  i think it is going to happen.  i think i have gotten so fed up with myself and my lazy situation that i can’t NOT do something.  i want to live my life and be the happiest me.  i’m going to actually try.  now.

well this next week i am on vacation…which is just me not having to go to school.  but i like to call it a vacation. i am going to be laying by the pool all week getting a lovely tan and listening to Pandora.  i am excited to just relax.  i have been in a weird mood this past week and i think it will do me good to spend some time alone and in quiet.  i plan on jogging some this week and riding my bike which i feel will be therapeutic for me.  i have a lot of feelings inside these days that i don’t know quite what to do with. so maybe this week i will find answers in my alone, quiet, sweet disposition…

cleaned my cute little apartment this morning.  and i am quite pleased with myself.  it looks nice and tidy now and makes me feel like smiling.  my husband was gone for most of the morning so i just cleaned away all by myself.  it was very relaxing and therapeutic for me.  i feel refreshed.  still tired but i feel better on the inside. i feel more creative now.  i think i will go make a little something now. so if you are having a bummer day or just feeling blah!  go clean something!  and then go create something beautiful!

Fed up! That is what I am. I am fed up with myself. I have gotten lazy with life and with my physical exercise. I’ll be honest, I have never really been an active person. I have never wanted to exercise or play sports. And I am very disappointed with myself for not pushing myself to do better. So I am now 21 years old and wanting to change my habits. I don’t want to feed my body food that is harmful to it. I want to be the best me I can be and the healthiest me I can be. When the time comes for me to start having kids I want to be healthy and I want to raise my children to be healthy. So I need to start now. I am writing this mainly to be honest with myself. To push myself to be better and really do something about the things that I am unhappy with in my life. So I will be keeping a log and writing about my experiences with exercise and food. And hopefully I will see change and progress.

i have recently been thinking about life. my life is changing day by day and i know that this year is a very significant year for me. i got married almost 8 months ago and since the day i said “i do” my life has turned into a crazy adventure.  i am so thankful for my husband who is so encouraging and supportive in the things i want to do and dream about! so that brings me to the reason i am writing this.  i am making a list of the ten things i want to accomplish, i might not get to all of them in one year but i’m going to make it my goal!  so here i go…

1. smile more and be more joyful. especially to those around me.

2. read more. i want to expand my vocabulary.

3. create many things. i want to sew, scrapbook and paint more.

4. find a more intimate time with the Lord. i love the Lord so much…but i want to know Him more!

5. start and finish cosmetology school. and get my license.

6. learn how to love my body.

7. try new clothing styles. find a style that fits my body and work it good!!

8. learn to cook more creative and healthy food.

9. actually exercise. take more walks. and dance more often.

10. learn how to communicate better with my husband. and to not get offended so easily.